We don’t want to give it all up.
As sexy as it sounds to surrender ourselves, we’re terrified of what it would mean to actually do it completely.
As lovely as it rolls across the mind to say we will surrender, we don’t often (ever?) intend to give up the struggle and inhabit the peace of mind we say we want.
It’s just not that easy.
What if I invited you to consider that this poem . . .
// taken //
if only you would
take every rugged thing from
you but when i reach forward you pull
if you could just let go of the glass that shatters
bottles, washed up against the sand
sliding like silk down my sides.
if you would just lay down,
the weight of everything
you rail against, let me taste the
in the wounds you
one by languid one, shadows falling into you
brush up against your spine. (i feel this when
you feel this, on dark days it’s
i could read you
like a book by now, if i just part my lips
they publish your
through the words that drip from a thousand
roaming over broken bodies like wolves
behind my bloodshot eyes.
if you would just cross
enemy lines, throw your voice at the black in the skies,
and your aimless
into the swollen
. . . is about the way the Universe (call it God, call it Love, call it Spirit) intends to love you? That it is about giving up the resistance and attack, giving up the burden, letting go of pain, and allowing yourself to fully experience the pleasure and joy the Universe has in store for you?
Would it change the way you read the words?
Would it change the way you think about your relationship to yourself? to Love?
Would it change the way you think about (feel about) your spirituality? How you express it or experience it or seek to understand it?
The spiritual path is one that requires of us constant surrender but we so often misinterpret that to mean we have to give up what we love instead of dive deeper into it.
We think to surrender ourselves to be used for a soulful purpose would mean we’d have to suppress what our true feelings / desires / passions are in order to keep a handle on things.
In order to do the “right” or “good’ or “perfect’ or “happy” or “correct” things.
I don’t buy it. Surrender to the depth and breadth of all of who we are is too richly mysterious to be that locked up.
Surrender is expression not suppression.
// dirt //
i refuse to believe that exploring
dims the light.
the eyes of love
are sharp enough to cut every limb
from every jagged tree
the ventricles of love
the mind of love cannot
place your bloody hands to my
dirty mouth and tell
me why the screaming
paint my skin with your
build a staircase
with the swords they
threw at me.
and i will not bend
and i will not break
and i will not be threatened
by the things
they tell me
To fully surrender your mind, body and soul to a spiritual experience in this temporarily human life is to explore all of what it means to be who you actually are. It can’t be censored or sliced or sectioned off or dictated or forced upon anyone.
Love doesn’t work that way. She doesn’t abide by man-made rules.
Love asks of us full surrender because Love needs all of what we are – not just a few randomly selected bits society deems worthy or proper or enough.
// celestial //
fingers beg and trace the clamor
in her mind, she tries to hide.
fingers press down the breast
a butterfly effect spreads glass wings on her
fingers glide in circles unfastening the wrists
and all the sky’s a
hedonistic turquoise night
soft tongues lapping at spearheads
stabbing licks at the edge of the threat of
five thousand years of fingers tear at a
world worn down, a galaxy runs out.
hold this to your stomach and sit.
all the shadows you spin are a
cataclysmic risk she needs.
but nature’s fingers won’t let up
they keep the pace
they rupture time
they tempt the words of the prophets
bled from her hands, stained on her lips
toxic drops of disarming digital codes
a covenant to make certain that the lives she
keep her coming back ravaged and hungry
Surrender is to give up our obsession with attack. To stop fighting, hiding, resisting ourselves.
We live in a world that cycles us through an endless loop of defend and attack, attack and defend. Always on the defensive, we feel an invisible, unrelenting pressure to defend who we are, to fight for what we need, to compete for what we imagine are scarce resources.
A Course In Miracles teaches a fascinating lesson on this, Lesson 153:
In my defenselessness my safety lies.
Click here to listen to me read the beginning of it:
Or check out the full teaching here:
The essential idea is that only those who believe they are weak or can be threatened will try to defend themselves. Only those who imagine they are attacked will attempt to attack.
It’s all an illusion, the attack and the resistance to letting Love flood us full.
We are sacred and whole and loved completely; who we are at our core needs no defending.
If we dig deep down, past the delicious fetishes (come now, what fetishes?) and the heat of the seduction of the idea of surrendering ourselves to the only thing more powerful than ourselves alone, how willing are we to truly offer all of our time, talent and passion – OUR ENTIRE LIVES – to the Universal Love Energy for the full expression of our truth?
How willing are we to turn inward, get grounded in the relentless power of Love, drop down our defenses and say with an open heart and completely willing spirit:
“Use me as you wish.”
Surrender is expression not suppression.
We have a daily choice between living a life of attack or a life of surrender.
My beautiful love, which will it be?
P.S. As always, I thank you for your presence and light in this place. YOU are the love and the spark and the verve that keeps me going. Thank you for sharing my work with your friends, family, followers. It means more than I could ever say. With all my love, Allison Marie x
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