I am, even to myself, a strange and beautiful trouble.
Even in stark stillness I am a relentless expansion, a curiosity, a sin.
I am an indulgence, a soft and ripening ache.
I am a mystery, a wild collection of deranged contradictions to the things you want to see in yourself as you look at me.
I like to stroke a thing until it derails.
Pummel it to the ground and search its insides for clues.
I am the heady aftertaste of the way you are afraid to feel, and I feel deeply, probe hungrily, into those shadowy places you neglect, dismiss, judge, ignore, reject.
Your disturbance electrifies something in my bones, the oddity of you, the unlikelihood of any of this, wets and fills even the driest rivers, sends them rushing back from the dead through me.
I am not a problem. I do not need to be fixed or corrected.
This life – my life – is an ecstatic, rugged, savage territory and I feast upon it all.
Heaven and hell tangle within me, both are teachers, both are guides, both are Love.
Trouble is evolution is freedom is treasure. The most tragic of all are not those who struggle but those who concede.
Signed copies are available in my Etsy shop AllisonMariePoetry here.
All my deepest love and mad affection. x