Tag Archives: forgiveness

Empty Threads: Self-Doubt and Arrogance in Art

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I’m writing but only in the sense that words are standing next to one another in a line across the screen.

They mock me with their blankness. I knock them over backwards.

I construct another little wall of letter-soldier-figures, punching them into place and they march, left to right, single file as I’ve instructed.

But they won’t speak on my command; empty words have nothing to say.

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Hardest in Love: When It’s Hot, When It’s Fierce

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“So you ask for a hotter fire, a fiercer confrontation. Even though this is often painful rather than pleasurable, it’s all right, for you are reaching toward that freedom which lies beyond pleasure and pain. When you want to burn away the grip of your ego on your awareness you’ll endure whatever is needed to clean up your life.” – Ram Dass

A spiritual journey gets hardcore when your commitment to it rises above all else. As you come to realize that everything is a spiritual experience – every encounter, every relationship, every problem, every joy – you are inevitably confronted with the heavy stuff, the seedy stuff you need to fundamentally change about the way you view the world and your role in it.

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So Perfectly Wrong: How to Meditate Like a Hot Mess

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Wednesday.

February 4, 2015.

Me and my monkey mind 6.23 minutes into my daily 11 minute meditation session:

My back is not straight — hold up — OK, OK. Now I’m straight, OK. Breathe, breathe, breathe. Man my head is killing me what the — ssshhh . . . breathe, breathe, breathe . . . should I be using a different mantra? . . what am I looking for . . . I really need answers to come through, this connection is a train wreck I can’t . . . breathe, breathe, breathe . . . God, I’m so messed up today, I’m screwed, I’m spacing out, I’m stressing out, I feel strung out on life and this was supposed to HELP and now I feel like a DISASTER in life and a TORNADO in meditation and I’ve pretty much had it I’m not even kidding right now. Please help. PLEASE. HELLO. CAN I GET SOME HELP HERE. PLEASE.

At about 7.14 minutes I cut bait, pull the plug. Something’s gotta give.

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