// private lives //

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We are restless and unborn. We have been wounded by over exposure, the futile beg for love denied, maybe that’s why I clench my teeth so terribly at night that in dreams they split my gums and fall out in clumps. Such brutality, such crush, we are scattered little bugs, terrified of ugliness, we want to be beautiful and strange, want to be stroked to the dripping heat of heavy crippling pleasure and left to walk the streets alone. Daylight is the flash of a screen but I escape to the dark matter of my own haunted castle mind, my crumpled writer’s room, my wrought iron winter garden, listening in stillness for the linen voice of the ghost you hung to dry on the line. Where I can stand the thrust of the words, where limbs like curtains reach for me on the wind.

My messages caress you like candlelit passageways that open onto the tops of trees and spill my lucid thoughts out over a vacant listless sky, every star a headstone carved with the crude tools of their abbreviated lives. They call me crazy but I call it hopeful, for I believe you loved my bones before we met. Someplace inside you is where I come from and where I long to return, smooth and familiar is the way you taste like liquid metal knives and the crystal jewels of molten sex, a golden chalice erects in the healing hands of God. Love is religion like pavement glitter and nuclear dust clouds, a way to glorify the beginning of a thousand setting suns.

As I’m turning down the bed, your motionless face is rain sliding down the window of this house you occupy inside me. I wish you could trade my awful secrets for something better than I deserve, but lover, I will drink from you until the moons have turned themselves to snakes orbiting the delicate feet of angels if you would only look at me. Let them wonder about us, let them spin their every seductive bedtime story from the one we’re killing ourselves to write with our surrender. All that matters is this moment, everything else is fair disease. You and I are a single tragic blink, every second is eternity, every breath between us a fragile ritual. We have birthed each other, been raised from death into life after death.

We are fading and obedient bodies, thick volumes of handwritten history buried under lock and key, plunged in glossy wooden tombs to the bottom of the ocean. Instinctively, you know when I am wet and you dangle me there on the edge of my own pearlescent cliff, my mysterious gift, until the way I crave you becomes the quiet shatter of truth at the apex of desire. I can read the casual insanity behind your devotion as if through scars and blindness the code of your flesh will finally make sense of mine. Come and bow your head into my private madness, beloved, I am the tranquil depths you seek. Make me dangerous while everyone else is watching. We are as wild as we are high, painted figures in glass boxes wearing our scratches like diamonds, feathers, swords and star dust falling from our newborn eyes.

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10 thoughts on “// private lives //

  1. inkgirlandwords

    Hi allison. I was wondering how did you manage to publish your book of poetry. I’d like to do something like that but I have no detailed idea of how. Any advice/explanation would be really awesome. Thank you.
    -inkgirl

    Reply
    1. Allison Marie Post author

      Hello, hello inkgirl –

      Vein was self-published. I’d be more than glad to send you an email with more detail if you are interested. Let me know if that would be okay?

      All the very best to you, beautiful creative soul,

      Allison

      Reply
      1. inkgirlandwords

        Thank you. If it would not be any trouble I would really apppreciate the email. I think you will receive my email adress as a notification from this comment. If not I can give it to you. Thank you.
        -inkgirl

        Reply
  2. Samira

    Omg!! I SO fucking love this. Your writing is incredible. Can’t wait to get my hands on ‘Vein’. Can you also send me the link to how you self published, beautiful? You are magick! I just adore you. Adore your words. Crave your mind. My heart aches as your words crack me wide open. Oh my… Love you babe 💜💋

    Reply
    1. Allison Marie Post author

      Hello hello my sweet love! I am so deeply glad to see you here, thank you beyond the beyond for reading and connecting. You are a bright light in my sky. I will absolutely email you about self publishing – will do so today (I’m sorry to be slow!). I am without the words to thank you enough for your connection to these words. Something in our souls is reflected back to one another and that is the greatest gift there is. I love you back, angel babe. Long time. ;) x <3

      Reply

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