What we decide:
They won’t like it.
They won’t want it.
They won’t care about it.
What they decide:
No one invited us.
No one asked us.
No one cared about it.
We create our own experience and they create theirs.
What we decide is what we see.
What they decide is what we can’t see.
This is what makes it so tough to develop true connection (and the potential for it). We assume they don’t want what we have and they assume we don’t have it. Nobody shares.
It’s like trying to embrace each other with our arms tied behind our backs.
What we decide in isolation and what they decide in isolation is keeping us sealed off from understanding each other, from serving each other. So that it becomes not our lack of love but our haste in jumping to imagined conclusions that forges our separation.
And so – decision by invisible decision – the connection breaks.
The chance for healing is lost.
The relationship dies.
Another way, though – a way to prevent the loss in connection – is to recognize the potential for the breakdown to occur (sometimes surprisingly early) in any exchange, especially those that matter to us most.
If we are alert for this kind of inherent fragility in a relationship (friendship, business, family, any exchange between people who care), we can become willing to suspend deciding and seek first to understand.
We can ask questions that acknowledge and explore the fertile space that emerges when we untie ourselves, when we stop assuming and start connecting:
What matters most to you?
Would you like to try this?
Would you like to come in?
Only when our arms are free can we reach each other.
~ ~ ~
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