I Hate To Tell You This


I’m leaving.

We lost.

It’s over.

You’re fired.

He’s gone.

In a split instant – in the slender space between just a couple of words – our lives change.

Some changes mount gradually, nearly imperceptibly, over time while others punch through like a slug to the gut.

Some (maybe many) we aren’t prepared to deal with.

We aren’t ready for the sharp redirection or the pain or the loss of control.

But even more crushing than the sudden shock of getting news we hate to hear is our spending so much precious time (and money and energy) concentrating on making sure we never hear it.

Ignoring the signs, avoiding the conversations, wasting the chances to connect.

Or making the blind assumption that big change only happens to other people; that as long as we can keep our house in order, keep doing the same things – the ‘right’ things – we’ll be OK.  As long as we are calling all the shots, we’ll never get hurt.

The trouble is, of course, we aren’t calling all the shots. The truth is we will break. We will lose people who matter to us.  Jobs and performances and relationships will end even though we think we couldn’t possibly live without them.

Instead of working so hard to make sure life only colors inside the lines, what if we worked on really understanding what it is we love – to do and to hear and to share – and focused on creating more of that while we can.

Then when we are confronted with stuff that jars us, when the hand of change slaps us across the face and snaps us into a new direction we didn’t see coming, at least we’ll already know how to love and be love and offer love.

Even the stuff we hate to hear can’t keep us from doing that.


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22 thoughts on “I Hate To Tell You This

  1. Robert

    Some hard truths indeed Allison. We need to understand that nothing lasts forever, not for any of us, life by nature is subect to change, constantly.

    This is why it is important to cultivate love; first and foremost within ourselves, because love is the only thing which is indestructible.

    People may come and go, friends and lovers, work and opportunities likewise. The only person who will never leave you is…. you. To hold love within our hearts while knowing that all must end, even our own lives ultimately, makes us immune to the fear of change.

    Love, true love, never changes. We can go forth and persue our dreams, our goals, our art, in the peace of understanding and knowing the transience of life :)

    Peace, love and joy to you my dear friend,


    1. Allison Marie Post author

      Hello, hello my dear friend,

      Thank you so much for your beautiful thoughts and words, it is always such a blessing to hear from you.

      I love everything you have said and especially this: “The only person who will never leave you is…. you.”

      How often we forget the importance of that, right? The sheer power of creating a life filled with self-love while we have the precious chance to do it.

      And this: “This is why it is important to cultivate love; first and foremost within ourselves, because love is the only thing which is indestructible.” Rock the hell on, man. Beautiful.

      I hope your Sunday is full of love and light, gorgeous Robert.

      Thank you as always for your warmth and glow. ;)

      Peace, always,


      1. Robert

        Thank you for your lovely reply to my comment Allison :) You may enjoy my latest poem which is about the cycle of change, life and rebirth,

        Peace and love,


  2. Erika

    I love your post (as I do all of them). This is such an important topic. We are so busy preventing us from things we cannot control instead of enjoying life and love in every single moment. Thank you, Allison!

    1. Allison Marie Post author

      Beautiful Erika,

      I love hearing from you! Thank you so much for your warm spirit and passion for life. You are a soul who glows right through the screen. ;)

      Cheers to embracing all the love available to us right this minute. Sending you love and light, always, dear one.

  3. Val

    Love this post Allison.
    Love Robert’s response.
    Everything changes, and accepting this is our life’s work until the final change. :)

    1. Allison Marie Post author

      LOVE that you are here and shared, beautiful Val. ;) Thank you so, so much.

      You are right on the money, friend – accepting this is our life’s work. It’s a beautiful thing. XO

  4. Anonymous

    create “More..” while we can – That phrase – is really key. Definitely resonates within me! great post.

    1. Allison Marie Post author

      Hello there, friend,

      That is so awesome, thank you so much for taking the time and care to comment! I am so glad to know this one connected for you. That’s the best.

      Wishing you much peace, always, always, ;)


  5. Batya

    In the slender space between nightfall Friday and daybreak Saturday a horrible tragedy occurred in Brooklyn. Seven siblings between the ages of 5 and 16 perished in an overnight fire. The mother and another sister escaped and are horribly burned, recovering in separate hospitals. The father was away for a conference and could not be reached until after the Sabbath ended at nightfall on Saturday.

    In the slender space of time the world shattered for the Sassoon family and the Jewish community. What father could bear burying seven children? What father suffering so much could have the grace to extoll his faith in the One Above? What a lesson.

    We spend so much precious time (and money and energy) concentrating on little things that don’t count, our little pains and complaints. Rather, we should seek to shout what we’re grateful for and share our wealth and gifts and fortune with others.

    Thanks for sharing the light and the good, Allison. And add your prayers for the recovery of Gila, daughter of Tziporah, and Tziporah, daughter of Gila, as well as the mending of the family’s broken hearts.

    1. Allison Marie Post author

      Dear, dear Batya,

      My heart breaks for all of those involved and affected by this awful tragedy. I am absolutely holding light for all and adding my prayers to the many, many which I’m sure are going out on their behalf. May the family somehow know moments of peace and strength during this excruciating time. Such a massive, crushing loss is beyond comprehension.

      What a rock solid foundation, what a faith, what a beacon. It is truly humbling.

      You are so right, we should seek to shout what we are grateful for and share our wealth and gifts with others, so beautifully, heartfully said, my good friend. In addition to our prayers for comfort at this time, may we seek only to shine the light of Love always.

      What a lesson, indeed.

  6. Jackie

    I often state that I love change. But I guess one day a change might happen that devastates. Then I might change my tune.
    Out of the major upsetting changes in my life so far, renewal and release have come about as a result. But how many years of hindsight are needed before I get to that realization!
    It’s a big topic. But then you do always head straight for the juicy stuff, Allison. Carry on! XO!

    1. Allison Marie Post author

      Oh Jackie M – it’s true – I like the juice. ;)

      Something tells me you roll with change in a most lovely, inquisitive, marvelous fashion, my friend. Here’s to the renewal and release, come whatever may.

      Onward, love! XO!

  7. Alejandro

    Dear Allison,

    It is so true that in a split moment our destiny can change…but is it worth spending every waking minute thinking, worrying, being terrified, in complete anguish figuring out different scenarios, all the time letting life here and now pass by. Not living every single moment, not enjoying each opportunity that presents itself, or even better, creating the new opportunity that would enhance our lives, that would take it to the next level of understanding, of wisdom.
    Life changes will definitely occur and we have to learn how to cope with them in a way that will not be destructive…but on the contrary, very constructive and positive. We need to be prepared for any kind of change and we should view it under a good light, as the perfect vehicle to improve ourselves as human beings. Perhaps a single change can help us to connect better and more effectively with the rest of humanity; while another will guide us on the road to be fearless of the unknown…or even a third change will make us bolder in pursuing our own art and sharing it with others.
    Don’t stop living a passionate life thinking about change…and when it happens ride it smoothly and learn from it valuable lessons…


    1. Allison Marie Post author

      Dear Alejandro,

      It is so true, isn’t it? The mental knots we tangle ourselves in worrying what might happen, and how we’d handle it, and on and on. To your beautiful point, how much more alive we are when we are creating and being constructive with the time we have.

      This is gold: “as the perfect vehicle to improve ourselves” – this, friend. Yes, yes this. ;)

      Wishing you so much peace and light, always,


  8. Michael

    Great post, Allison. There is a paradox here, a tension between loving what is in your life right now, and giving it every ounce of unconditional presence, knowing that instantly it could all change. The real paradox, I think, is that unless we’ve made peace with the ever-changing nature of existence, we will be fighting to protect and defend what is in the present, and miss what we have… When our love is freed of attachment to the objects around it, but flows through each of them to the universal, we are tethered to a safe foundation that can weather any change…

    Much Love

    1. Allison Marie Post author

      Hello, hello Michael,

      Please forgive me for such a delayed response to your beautiful comment. I truly appreciate your taking the time and care to share with me. As always, your words and thoughts ring very true for me, my friend.

      This especially resonates, I think it’s perfect: “we will be fighting to protect and defend what is in the present, and miss what we have.” Just 100%, yes. How we do exhaust ourselves in this way.

      It takes a good amount of commitment and love to be present in the moment and to be fully grateful for it, right. I am so grateful, it happens, in this very moment for our kindred spirits. ;)

      So much love your way, dear one.

      Thank you for your precious light. Namaste.

    1. Allison Marie Post author

      Wow, thank you so much for taking the time to come check out some of my work. I am so grateful. I love your suggestion of an ever-changing story.

      I feel that about this photo, too.

      Be well, Eric.


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