How to Stop Being Jealous & Rock Your Own Life


Allison Marie for

So two things right off the top: #1 I’m not talking about jealousy in this post (WTF?) and #2 I’m fully aware that exactly no one wants to talk about shit like this (hence the trickery, but let me explain).

Shit like what, you may well demand to know since I’ve just confessed to the old bait-and-switch title of a blog post which may or may not land me on the wrong side of the tracks with WordPress / Google / Nick Jonas.

It turns out that although we most often think of ourselves as struggling with jealousy (where did you even come from, Nick Jonas?) what we actually struggle with, technically, is envy.

“In this country, we use the words “jealousy” and “envy” as synonyms but they are not.
Envy is the feeling of wanting what someone else has. The linguistic root is from the Latin invidia which is connected to the modern word ‘invidious.’
Jealousy is the feeling of wanting to protect what is yours. The linguistic root is from the Latin zelos which is connected to the modern word ‘zealous’.”

But the thing is, no one Googles envy for the same reason no one Googles sloth. (If you do though? The “medium-sized mammal” comes first with adorable photos; the “deadly sin” comes in second. Go figure.)

Lazy sounds like a thing we should probably work on but also feels like fuzzy socks. Sloth sounds like one of both of us should be roaming ancient Jerusalem sacrificing our livestock when shit hits the proverbial fan.

Just like how jealousy sounds like a thing that sort of only happens to some people and feels like we should probably just keep it to ourselves if it’s happening to us (so we Google it). Envy sounds like a grave moral tangle that only happens to decidedly naughty people who could never be us.

Envy feels dirty, disturbing and not just a little bit like somebody’s going straight to hell by fiery hand grenade.

So . . . you guys wanna talk about envy, anyway? So that we can ninja-fy this nasty, invasive, self-inflicted cruelty and finally discover the three badass gifts it is actually offering us if we could just get past it?

Beasts! This is why I love you long time. Let’s get dirty.

Nobody likes to talk about feeling envious of others. It’s kinda shady. It’s kinda the thing you don’t bring up to anyone you don’t want to look like a tool in front of (everyone).

“Nobody likes to talk about it” is probably an understatement of dramatic proportion, in fact.

And if we want to talk facts ( . . . anybody?) the fact is that some days we drown in this sick obsession and allow it to not just stifle but SHUT DOWN ENTIRELY our creative flow and joyous life-giving energy.

Envy can rob us of our time, our presence, our sanity, our gifts, and our creativity.

This is not “healthy competition” we are talking about, babes. What we are talking about is an obsession, a sickness, a deeply embedded belief that we are inferior to others, that we inherently lack the abundance and worth we believe they have.

And while we are all busy not talking about it, envy is quite busy eating us alive.

Not cool.

We are here to remind each other of our light and love and eternal fabulousness.

Envy has no place here.


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This sick obsession with comparison and envy is fear wrapped around fear wrapped around fear and our society exacerbates this to the millionth degree. Our culture encourages the desperate crush, the helpless coveting, the lust for all things we can’t have.

It’s all bullshit, you guys. None of it matters and meanwhile it’s killing our chance at connecting to each other in actual strength and love.

Envy is tricky, universal and cruel beyond measure but we can reverse engineer it to serve us deeply and well.

Because let’s be real, troops: Everyone struggles with envy. Like, EVERYBODY. It’s a human thing not a selective thing.

But we think if we feel envious of others, if we secretly crave their stature / position / beauty / success / hot gym bod, then that means we are jerks. And, not wanting to be jerks, we then decide we are jerks for being jerks and the whole thing comes off the goddamn rails.

What to do? Bite our nails? Pump our fists (don’t do this)? Pull the covers up over our green-eyed monster heads and hope no one finds us out?

Forget that.

Grab the flashlight and look that monster in the eyes.

And you will begin to uncover the true story of what’s really going on and how to use it.

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photo by Allison Marie for

What you thought was evil and menacing is in fact a clear and sacred sign. It is a gift of dire and magnificent proportion appearing like a gargoyle or a dragon or a demon would as a statue guarding an ancient temple.

These terrible, beautiful creatures are known as “threshold guardians.”

And envy is nothing more than a ferocious and magical Threshold Guardian. Once you figure it out, three very precious gifts are yours.

“The threshold guardians are not malicious or evil creatures but actually perform a crucial function. They force us to approach the sacred with integrity and sincerity as they warn us: What lies beyond is not for everyone!”

  • from Entering the Caves of the Unconscious on (a wicked cool website, btw)

In the hero’s journey, threshold guardians appear – wait for it – at the threshold of a new awakening.  When we feel the concrete knot of envy, we know we have to up our Love game in order to move past the ego.  We are asked to grow in order to EARN the treasure of what lies beyond.

Which is why it is no surprise that we feel most envious of people who are most like us. If we are similar in age, background, artistic genre, and/or creative prowess, we are more likely to envy them when we perceive them as being juuuuust beyond where we “should” be. (Unfortunately, yes, this means we are more likely to be envious of friends, family members, and peers than of someone way outside our “league.” So don’t worry, Emilia Clarke, I literally don’t even care.)

This is where we are asked to let go of the low vibes of envy and deepen three spiritual gifts of a much higher vibration.


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There are three specific things we are asked to deepen in our practice when we are faced with the tough challenge that is envy.  They are the ways we take back our souls. Make no mistake how important this is, beloved. The world needs your light and envy is a major block, whether we want to admit that or not.

Envy is also an invitation, a challenge, a threshold.

The 3 Soul Gifts Hidden Beyond Envy

#1 Humility

What envy tells you: “I should have that but I don’t because you do. Jerk.”

What the truth is: There is no competition in love. Love does not pick favorites. The Universe is infinitely abundant and anyone who appears to have more than they deserve is an illusion. You are envious of them because you think they are somehow the bad guy, but they aren’t.

You are projecting your own fear of your own inadequacy onto this other person. None of this is real. There is no order, no degree, of worthy. We all come to this earth to share and to give and to learn. The higher mind stays focused on its own path, not comparisons.

#2 Gratitude

What envy tells you: “I’m being denied what I deserve. I don’t have it because you do and I lose. I am a loser and you are everything and this sucks.”

What the truth is: You have everything you need right where you are. Turn inward and honestly take stock of your unique gifts. We tend to run into someone we think is so dazzling that we immediately throw all of the kickass stellar aspects of ourselves out the window (of our 1997 sedan and not their 2047 red Ferrari and in what kind of twisted mythological fucked up folklore does this shake out).

Don’t fall for this; you are way too beautiful and sexy and clever to fall for this. What you think you need (love) is with you all the time. It is never withheld, and no one “out there” can withhold it from you.  Turn the feeling of envy on its (seven) head(s). Envy is a belief in lack and depletion. Gratitude is abundance (and a healthy dose of stay-in-your-own-lane-before-someone-gets-hit-by-an-18-wheeler).

#3 Compassion (the greatest gift of all)

What envy tells you: “You need to take this person down. Their existence threatens yours and the only way to prove you are worthy is to prove they are not. Get the armor.”

What the truth is: We do not need one more reason to divide ourselves from one another so don’t you let that happen. This is serious, you guys.  Compassion, compassion, compassion. Let that stabbing feeling of envy be a lightening bolt of a wake up call alerting you to this sacred ground.

This person, this “other” that you are projecting so much cruelty onto? IS YOU.

He is your fear, though he means no harm. She is your chance to practice and strengthen love: though she seems all perfect and pulled together, she has her dark struggles, too.

What is actually going on here, with the coveting and the envy and the monsters, is our own fear of shining.

Stop telling yourself that because they are shining you have to collapse in a heap and raise the white flag. That because they are you can’t.

Nothing brilliant comes easy to anyone. Don’t kid yourself. Think about how much courage it takes for you to do what you love, to keep coming back again and again. And remember that it takes the same amount of courage for others to do the same.

Be gentle, we are all torn and we are all trying.

Cross the threshold.

And your envy will turn to deep respect, deep gratitude and deep compassion.

We will remember to thank the gods for the others.

They are just terrible, beautiful, mystical reminders that love is love, and we can, too.



P.S. I want to express how deeply, deeply grateful I am for your engagement and for sharing my work. I truly spend hours on each post (writing, researching, taking photos, removing curse words) because it is my greatest joy to share with you guys. Thank you endless. With all my love and affection, Allison Marie xx


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All content on this site is my own. Sharing with proper credit is always greatly appreciated. Thank you.

16 thoughts on “How to Stop Being Jealous & Rock Your Own Life

    1. Allison Marie Post author

      Hello beautiful Dawn – that’s AWESOME! I’m so glad you got something fresh from this. Thank YOU for reading and sharing your comment.

      Rock your Wednesday, my friend. ;)

  1. Amitav

    Setting out on a journey without understanding the self and purpose of the journey can lead you to paths that are not desirable. When you know (yourself-strenghts and weaknesses), you are in a better position to make a choice(s). Consciousness (not the way we experience the daily things in life, but the subliminal messages that can act as guiding forces will come to the one who is awake (spiritually). So, ego, envy, and jealousy takes a different meaning. Our focus should be channelized to understand the universe and the eternal nature of Life. Our action(s) will decide the future course of the journey. As usual, a wonderful post from you. Thank you for sharing this post. :)

    1. Allison Marie Post author

      And as usual, your words, perspective and presence light my spirits, my mindful and gorgeous friend. Everything you say rings true and resonates so deeply with me, Amitav. Thank you for your thoughts and engagement. It means so very much to me.

      Blessings and light to you along your hero’s way. ;)

  2. Dagmar

    so true Allison, the quintessence is: be grateful for what you have, be happy for what others have and focus on your own shit :-)
    have a good one!

  3. Laura

    Oh my!!! This was so wonderful Allison :) It’s so coincidental that you write particularity about envy as I have been thinking of this subject for a few weeks, and was even thinking of a painting to show it… in regards to what it means to love unconditionally…refining the self to be the purest form and burning out any other low frequency thoughts… what you have said is so true…it effects us all, no matter how big or small, and being mindful of when that impact happens, is the key to opening the magical gate and dealing w/ the monster…creating the alchemy to transmute it into a blessing :)

    I love your sense of humor – such a delight to read and thank you so much for your wisdom and light! You are amazing!!!!! <3 <3 <3

    1. Allison Marie Post author

      My gorgeous, gorgeous friend, as always I’m thrilled to bits to see you here in this place. And? I have a MAD SEXY CRUSH on your comment. I love the coincidence of our thoughts, and I will be so very curious to see where your mind and hands and soul take you in a painting such as you so elegantly describe. It already sounds incredible, mysterious and magical before you even bring it to life. Which you always do with insane amounts of talent and love.

      And you have used the word “alchemy” which for some reason always gets me going. It’s pure energy. Love it.

      I’m so damn glad you enjoy the little weekly ride that is Glory Begin! YOU are amazing and this place is brighter and more stellar when you come by.

      I feel beyond blessed, angel friend. Stay gorgeous and thank you endless for your light. MAD LOVE, babe. XXX ;)

  4. Kylie

    Well written blog post. You really got me thinking and looking inward on myself, as I often struggle with being envious more than I’d like to admit. I enjoyed your line: “And if we want to talk facts ( . . . anybody?) the fact is that some days we drown in this sick obsession and allow it to not just stifle but SHUT DOWN ENTIRELY our creative flow and joyous life-giving energy.” This is so true, and struck home with me. The more you dwell on it the more it takes of your creative energy flow. Along with the Compassion section, about thinking we can’t shine because others are. You are also right, that gratitude can be good in remedying feelings of gratitude.

    1. Allison Marie Post author

      Hey there, Kylie,

      Thank you so much for taking the time to read and engage with this post! It really means alot to me to hear from you. I’m glad this hit home because for every one of us who doesn’t like to admit this stuff, there are hundreds (probably thousands) more all around us all the time. We put so much undue pressure on ourselves to be better than one another – it’s so draining.

      We creatives go through this and it’s TOTALLY normal. Thanks for sharing your voice on the topic, that is a very cool thing.

      Compassion, compassion, compassion. Yes, yes, yes. YES. Love is the way. Stay fierce, beautiful friend. Much love and light to you. ;)

    1. Allison Marie Post author

      Hey, thanks Rob. And: totally. We don’t need any of that low-vibe stuff, right. Thanks so much for reading and commenting! Have a fantastic weekend. ;)


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