So two things right off the top: #1 I’m not talking about jealousy in this post (WTF?) and #2 I’m fully aware that exactly no one wants to talk about shit like this (hence the trickery, but let me explain).
Shit like what, you may well demand to know since I’ve just confessed to the old bait-and-switch title of a blog post which may or may not land me on the wrong side of the tracks with WordPress / Google / Nick Jonas.
It turns out that although we most often think of ourselves as struggling with jealousy (where did you even come from, Nick Jonas?) what we actually struggle with, technically, is envy.
“In this country, we use the words “jealousy” and “envy” as synonyms but they are not.
Envy is the feeling of wanting what someone else has. The linguistic root is from the Latin invidia which is connected to the modern word ‘invidious.’
Jealousy is the feeling of wanting to protect what is yours. The linguistic root is from the Latin zelos which is connected to the modern word ‘zealous’.”
But the thing is, no one Googles envy for the same reason no one Googles sloth. (If you do though? The “medium-sized mammal” comes first with adorable photos; the “deadly sin” comes in second. Go figure.)
Lazy sounds like a thing we should probably work on but also feels like fuzzy socks. Sloth sounds like one of both of us should be roaming ancient Jerusalem sacrificing our livestock when shit hits the proverbial fan.
Just like how jealousy sounds like a thing that sort of only happens to some people and feels like we should probably just keep it to ourselves if it’s happening to us (so we Google it). Envy sounds like a grave moral tangle that only happens to decidedly naughty people who could never be us.
Envy feels dirty, disturbing and not just a little bit like somebody’s going straight to hell by fiery hand grenade.
So . . . you guys wanna talk about envy, anyway? So that we can ninja-fy this nasty, invasive, self-inflicted cruelty and finally discover the three badass gifts it is actually offering us if we could just get past it?
Beasts! This is why I love you long time. Let’s get dirty.
Nobody likes to talk about feeling envious of others. It’s kinda shady. It’s kinda the thing you don’t bring up to anyone you don’t want to look like a tool in front of (everyone).
“Nobody likes to talk about it” is probably an understatement of dramatic proportion, in fact.
And if we want to talk facts ( . . . anybody?) the fact is that some days we drown in this sick obsession and allow it to not just stifle but SHUT DOWN ENTIRELY our creative flow and joyous life-giving energy.
Envy can rob us of our time, our presence, our sanity, our gifts, and our creativity.
This is not “healthy competition” we are talking about, babes. What we are talking about is an obsession, a sickness, a deeply embedded belief that we are inferior to others, that we inherently lack the abundance and worth we believe they have.
And while we are all busy not talking about it, envy is quite busy eating us alive.
We are here to remind each other of our light and love and eternal fabulousness.
Envy has no place here.
This sick obsession with comparison and envy is fear wrapped around fear wrapped around fear and our society exacerbates this to the millionth degree. Our culture encourages the desperate crush, the helpless coveting, the lust for all things we can’t have.
It’s all bullshit, you guys. None of it matters and meanwhile it’s killing our chance at connecting to each other in actual strength and love.
Envy is tricky, universal and cruel beyond measure but we can reverse engineer it to serve us deeply and well.
Because let’s be real, troops: Everyone struggles with envy. Like, EVERYBODY. It’s a human thing not a selective thing.
But we think if we feel envious of others, if we secretly crave their stature / position / beauty / success / hot gym bod, then that means we are jerks. And, not wanting to be jerks, we then decide we are jerks for being jerks and the whole thing comes off the goddamn rails.
What to do? Bite our nails? Pump our fists (don’t do this)? Pull the covers up over our green-eyed monster heads and hope no one finds us out?
Grab the flashlight and look that monster in the eyes.
And you will begin to uncover the true story of what’s really going on and how to use it.
What you thought was evil and menacing is in fact a clear and sacred sign. It is a gift of dire and magnificent proportion appearing like a gargoyle or a dragon or a demon would as a statue guarding an ancient temple.
These terrible, beautiful creatures are known as “threshold guardians.”
And envy is nothing more than a ferocious and magical Threshold Guardian. Once you figure it out, three very precious gifts are yours.
“The threshold guardians are not malicious or evil creatures but actually perform a crucial function. They force us to approach the sacred with integrity and sincerity as they warn us: What lies beyond is not for everyone!”
- from Entering the Caves of the Unconscious on HIgherExistence.com (a wicked cool website, btw)
In the hero’s journey, threshold guardians appear – wait for it – at the threshold of a new awakening. When we feel the concrete knot of envy, we know we have to up our Love game in order to move past the ego. We are asked to grow in order to EARN the treasure of what lies beyond.
Which is why it is no surprise that we feel most envious of people who are most like us. If we are similar in age, background, artistic genre, and/or creative prowess, we are more likely to envy them when we perceive them as being juuuuust beyond where we “should” be. (Unfortunately, yes, this means we are more likely to be envious of friends, family members, and peers than of someone way outside our “league.” So don’t worry, Emilia Clarke, I literally don’t even care.)
This is where we are asked to let go of the low vibes of envy and deepen three spiritual gifts of a much higher vibration.
There are three specific things we are asked to deepen in our practice when we are faced with the tough challenge that is envy. They are the ways we take back our souls. Make no mistake how important this is, beloved. The world needs your light and envy is a major block, whether we want to admit that or not.
Envy is also an invitation, a challenge, a threshold.
The 3 Soul Gifts Hidden Beyond Envy
What envy tells you: “I should have that but I don’t because you do. Jerk.”
What the truth is: There is no competition in love. Love does not pick favorites. The Universe is infinitely abundant and anyone who appears to have more than they deserve is an illusion. You are envious of them because you think they are somehow the bad guy, but they aren’t.
You are projecting your own fear of your own inadequacy onto this other person. None of this is real. There is no order, no degree, of worthy. We all come to this earth to share and to give and to learn. The higher mind stays focused on its own path, not comparisons.
What envy tells you: “I’m being denied what I deserve. I don’t have it because you do and I lose. I am a loser and you are everything and this sucks.”
What the truth is: You have everything you need right where you are. Turn inward and honestly take stock of your unique gifts. We tend to run into someone we think is so dazzling that we immediately throw all of the kickass stellar aspects of ourselves out the window (of our 1997 sedan and not their 2047 red Ferrari and in what kind of twisted mythological fucked up folklore does this shake out).
Don’t fall for this; you are way too beautiful and sexy and clever to fall for this. What you think you need (love) is with you all the time. It is never withheld, and no one “out there” can withhold it from you. Turn the feeling of envy on its (seven) head(s). Envy is a belief in lack and depletion. Gratitude is abundance (and a healthy dose of stay-in-your-own-lane-before-someone-gets-hit-by-an-18-wheeler).
#3 Compassion (the greatest gift of all)
What envy tells you: “You need to take this person down. Their existence threatens yours and the only way to prove you are worthy is to prove they are not. Get the armor.”
What the truth is: We do not need one more reason to divide ourselves from one another so don’t you let that happen. This is serious, you guys. Compassion, compassion, compassion. Let that stabbing feeling of envy be a lightening bolt of a wake up call alerting you to this sacred ground.
This person, this “other” that you are projecting so much cruelty onto? IS YOU.
He is your fear, though he means no harm. She is your chance to practice and strengthen love: though she seems all perfect and pulled together, she has her dark struggles, too.
What is actually going on here, with the coveting and the envy and the monsters, is our own fear of shining.
Stop telling yourself that because they are shining you have to collapse in a heap and raise the white flag. That because they are you can’t.
Nothing brilliant comes easy to anyone. Don’t kid yourself. Think about how much courage it takes for you to do what you love, to keep coming back again and again. And remember that it takes the same amount of courage for others to do the same.
Be gentle, we are all torn and we are all trying.
Cross the threshold.
And your envy will turn to deep respect, deep gratitude and deep compassion.
We will remember to thank the gods for the others.
They are just terrible, beautiful, mystical reminders that love is love, and we can, too.
P.S. I want to express how deeply, deeply grateful I am for your engagement and for sharing my work. I truly spend hours on each post (writing, researching, taking photos, removing curse words) because it is my greatest joy to share with you guys. Thank you endless. With all my love and affection, Allison Marie xx
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