How to MAJORLY Build Your Self-Confidence by Doing This ONE Badass Thing

Right, so we’ll get to building your sexy ass confidence in just a second, good friend.

First tho, here’s a fun trick to try if you’d like to test your creative confidence; publish a blog post about erotica, get everybody all seduced and lathered up, and then come back a week later and publish another blog post.

About anything.

About anything else.

Post about something else – after riffing about touching and stroking and fingering – and expect anyone to give a shit about what could possibly come after all that goodness.

I hear you. I know. But never fear, my love. I’ve got you. I am not afraid.

I have something even hotter to talk about this week, if you can possibly fathom that (I realize a blogger with any sense at all would be concerned about deliberately stacking this kind of dangerous pyramid scheme of expectations but nobody’s here to play it safe, I sincerely hope).

So here’s what, monster lovers, let’s not talk about what comes after erotica because the hell if I’m here to chase dragons (. . .that could be cool, though? . . . okay, let’s not shelve that idea entirely, right. Dragons are kind of hot).

Let’s  talk about what came before the post about erotica.  Let’s talk about the audacity (courage, passion, sensitivity, wild burning love) it took to even consider posting about erotica, something beautiful and sexy, but also immensely vulnerable and delicate.

There’s only one thing you need to acquire in order to have the self-confidence to write about what you ACTUALLY want to write about, to work on what you ACTUALLY want to work on, to be who you ACTUALLY are instead of screwing around trying on different half-baked versions of other people’s ideas / tricks / style / swagger.

Above and beyond all else, my beautiful talented creature, you have to learn to trust yourself.

You must somehow (how?) learn to trust that you have a reciprocal relationship you can believe in with the work, the muse, the creativity, the Thing you want to be more confident about.

You have to start doing something that will convince you that you are in a creative cycle WITH yourself, but not BY yourself.

There are forces working on your behalf all the time and you can tap into exactly how to make them work for you on the regular.

(For the merciful sake of this little bite-sized weekly exercise, just pick a single thing – one thing or one area in your life where you’d like to really knock your own socks off – and concentrate on that. Trying to be confident in EVERY area of your life all at once is too overwhelming and seriously: people who excel at everything are annoying.)

There is a simple, proven way to build the kind of self-trust that naturally leads to self-confidence. There’s a clever way, it turns out, to get good at it. To sharpen our game, to ramp up our prowess, confidence and competence.

No matter what it is you want to do –  go pro with your art or creative work; be taken more seriously as a teacher / biz owner / parent / painter / balloon salesperson;  get physically fit; go vegan – the common denominator in all of these situations is you, of course: you.

YOU, babe.

You are there, as fate would have it, every which way you turn.

The only way to get the confidence you crave is to learn to trust YOU.

OR: we could stall (most of us are terribly clever at the stalling, so clever are we that we can even convince ourselves it’s necessary) and pretend we need additional tech skills or new sneakers or the right class or the right pen / paper / desk / box of wine.

But none of that stuff actually matters if at your core, you have no faith. If you cannot trust yourself to get shit done, ain’t nothing worthwhile about to go down.

I’ll be completely honest with you guys (why stop now, yeah?): part of me wasn’t sure how the erotica post would go over.  Happily, there was no mass exodus from the Glory Begin Insider Subscribers List, as I had feared.  (I did lose a few, but best we understand each other now instead of later in case I get really bizarre up in here).

The work I put forth here in this place always comes from love and it always comes from the place in our relationship (you and me, lover, had you known we were in this together? Frightened? Relieved? Boxed wine?) where I believe we are ready to push, to move, to expand, to explore.

To be honest with each other on a next level.

And the only way I knew it was time for us to get erotic (read: vulnerable) is because I trust myself to feel through these things for us. I trust that creativity and I are in this game together. I trust that inspiration comes to shed light, to elevate, to bring us closer to ourselves and closer to each other.

“All I can tell you for certain is that my entire life has been shaped by an early decision to reject the cult of artistic martyrdom and instead to place my trust in the crazy notion that my work loves me as much as I love it – that it wants to play with me as much as I want to play with it – and that this source of love and play is boundless.”

Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic

But, Allison Marie, I so badly, badly, desperately, wantonly wish to trust myself, to trust my instincts, to go for what I want to believe in, but I can’t, you say. I can’t go to certain creative heights or attempt certain feats or expand to further passionate lengths because my confidence just is not there.

I’m scared, you say.

I know, angel. I promise you, I do. I get scared, too. A lot of what I do (and have done and plan to do) scares me.

What to do now?

How to build trust with yourself so that you can crush it in your chosen area of creative pursuit?

Simple. All you need to heavy-focus on to build self-trust and, therefore, self-confidence is this:

Consistency.

Whatever you want to do: write a book, make an album, lose 20 pounds, the balloon thing (remember?), the only way you will learn to truly trust yourself is to do a thing consistently.

Take your thing and commit to it. As in daily, weekly, monthly, and SHOW THE FUCK UP. On a schedule. At a predetermined time that is a non-negotiable.

Consistency is the way you honor yourself. And, being honored, you learn you are trustworthy. You learn that you will, in actual demonstrated fact, by there for yourself.

No matter what.

Want to know a dirty secret? When I committed to a regular Wednesday blogging schedule, I hated it.  (Part of me still rails against it, I’m not even kidding.)

I like free flow, free style, free form; I don’t like to be told what to do or when to do it, even when I’m telling myself.

Especially when I’m telling myself.

In fact, it’s almost impressive how often I get on my own nerves.

I like freedom, I like wilderness, I like surprise. I like uncharted territory.

I’m frustrated by the damn schedule and yet, you know what’s weird and totally way more important?

I trust myself now more than ever before.  I have more confidence, more self-trust, than I have EVER HAD before.

I treat the whole scene as a trust building activity. I trust I can bring us something valuable every week, as promised. I should expect that of me.  You should expect that of me.

“If you don’t underestimate me, I won’t underestimate you.”

Bob Dylan

I like knowing you and I have a date. I think it’s really cool and stealth and fun. And an excuse for boxed wine (really, again?).

I like trusting that creativity, beauty, mystery will reveal itself in whatever topic we tackle. I love that what I’m learning is that as long as I show up, inspiration will, too.

If you don’t trust yourself, beautiful creature, you won’t talk about what you really want to talk about. If you don’t trust yourself to show up, you won’t. If you don’t trust the universe to show up when you do, you’ll never get about doing the work of your soul.

Without self-trust, the world feels like it’s out to ruin you, instead of lift you up.

This creative soul stuff is a relationship, you guys.

To get the confidence you want, you have to build trust in yourself. Because at a certain point, self-trust is your ability to make decisions faster, with more confidence, with greater ease, without fear. You know you; you trust you.

You have your own back (which sounds sort of Cirque du Soleil but without the leotards).

Your highest self doesn’t have time to sit around wondering who you’d like to be today, babe.

Be you. Commit to a schedule. Show up. Get shit done.

Confidence is hot.

 

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Art and Soul for about page

 

25 thoughts on “How to MAJORLY Build Your Self-Confidence by Doing This ONE Badass Thing

  1. Samira

    Fantastic babe. You’ve given me the kick up the arse I needed. I hate being told what to do as well, especially coming from me. I love writing free form, organically and when I’m not tired. But fuck, I’m always tired. I’m always busy. So, I gotta schedule time, lock it in, and just do it! Thanks for the motivation and inspiration to keep moving forward. Hell I may even play your game and write about erotica this week 🙃 Let’s see what turns up on the page. Stay sexy. Stay fierce. You rock! 💜💕💋🙏🏻

    Reply
    1. Allison Marie Post author

      You are everything for being so real in your comment, Ms. Wyld Thing. I really, really respect that and I understand TOTALLY. I am glad it helps to know that we all struggle to become the full breadth of who we are. I love how you say this: “But fuck, I’m always tired. I’m always busy.” It is SO TRUE. You nailed it. Ego is a monster that way.

      And I say GO, baby, go, go, go – Do it, do it, do it. You are so welcome for the inspiration. The highest compliment and my greatest joy is knowing you can TAKE it, MAKE it yours, and RUN with it.

      You are beautiful. Thank you for bringing your all to this place. Rock on, lover. Xxx

      Reply
      1. Samira

        Oh, how I love everything you just said. Yes, I can do it. And I will 🙃 I love your heart and your way with words. How you weave magick between the lines, ever inspiring, ever juicy, ever sexy. Stay fierce. Rock on lover 💋 X

        Reply
  2. Pingback: Write One Bad-ass Thing About Erotica | my heartstrings... fiddledeedee

  3. Tena

    Hey babe! I’ve always admired your courage and bravery to just GO FOR IT! I know it takes huge balls to write about what YOU want to write about. Those followers you lost, good to weed them out now anyway. If they don’t believe in you then you don’t need or want them around. And your commitment to our Wednesday date is also admirable. It’s hard to stick to a schedule. I’m like you in that I like to do things on my own time but I understand the importance of a schedule and how hard it can be to really stick to it. I see you, my amazingly gorgeous, sweet kick-ass angel friend. Thank you for sharing your beautiful words and thoughts and inspiration with us. It is truly appreciated. Xoxo

    Reply
    1. Allison Marie Post author

      Gorgeous! Hello, hello, I’m all kinds of LIT UP to see you here in this place. It is always brighter and sexier with you here. ;) And thank you so much for taking the time to be engaged with warm thoughts and support – it means more than you could ever know. So. Grateful. It’s funny, the Universe is a wild thing – it seems whenever I lose someone, I gain even more. . . I think it’s just one of those cyclical things like we talked about a while back in my post about Tribes. You have to allow for the ebb and flow . . . and just stay your own course, right.

      I love that we are getting to know each other, babe. It seems my thoughts are so often aligned with yours and it is a VERY comforting, uplifting, and downright fascinating thing. Here’s to us, fire sign, forest haunter, rainy day lover. Stay amazing. XOXO

      Reply
    1. Allison Marie Post author

      Oh no! Let me know if you don’t receive Art & Soul this Monday and if I can help in some way. Don’t want you to miss out! :) I love that you are “Bean” – I have a gf I nicknamed Beans growing up! Much love, xx

      Reply
  4. Amitav

    In a creative journey, the only expectation is to learn more- about the self, the universe and of course how far we can stretch our imagination. Just deliver the insanity that one has experienced through the chosen medium of creative pursuit. Disengage from petty expectations and limitations and you shall realize the journey of creativity is the ultimate rewarding experience. Another fantastic writing from you, in your inimitable style. Stay blessed my friend.

    Reply
    1. Allison Marie Post author

      What an exquisite comment, Amitav. I love how you express the journey and this struck me right to the core: “Just deliver the insanity . . .” & “Disengage from petty expectations . . .” How much I love these concepts and the way you put them out there.

      Every time I hear from you, I feel expanded, uplifted and lit up inside. You are a joy, my dear creative friend. Thank you so much for being here and shining.

      Stay blessed, much love. :)

      Reply
      1. Amitav

        We are kindred souls. :)
        Keep spreading the words of wisdom and you shall make a positive difference in lives of many. Your inner joy and peace shine through your philosophy and writing. Stay blessed and lots of love to you.

        Reply
    2. Allison Marie Post author

      And, Amitav? I really love that you called my style inimitable. I could literally hug you to bits. That means the sun, moon, stars and planets to me. THANK YOU, angel. Thank you endless.

      Reply
      1. Amitav

        I believe when you develop a style which is unique. You as a writer, especially when writing philosophical ideologies, sets you apart from others. I always believe, as a writer, to be true to the soul and deliver writing in our very own style. Such is your style, the ‘Allison’ style of philosophical writing. I seek uniqueness. :)

        Take care, my dear friend.

        Reply
        1. Allison Marie Post author

          If I were ever to hold a comment close to my heart, it is this one. I feel like you have seen me and welcomed me, and that is an absolutely precious thing. I seek uniqueness as well, and when I read your works, there is no question they are yours. Thank you once again for your thoughts, words and most of all your presence here. It is a beautiful thing when someone brings their entire being into a place – I thank you for that sincerely. Sat Nam, friend.

          Reply
  5. Charlie Zero the Poet

    This message is true inspiration.

    I have written erotica before. But this was a long time ago.
    I’m still till’ this day thinking about writing erotica. I don’t know what my readers will say. I do know it will be a different side of me no one has ever read before.

    I’ll think about trying this erotica poem. :)

    Reply
    1. Allison Marie Post author

      Hello hello dear Charlie,

      How interesting that you had been thinking about trying something new and beautiful. It’s a very personal decision to write what we feel called to write, create or try. The interesting thing is, I wasn’t really challenging anyone to write their own erotica, I was just trying to transition my readers from the previous post in which I speak about erotica into this post where I feared it being boring by comparison!

      But a few lovely brave folks took this as an invitation to try their writing hand at erotica and I think it’s fantastic. Whatever you decide, I wish you much inspiration and discovery along your way, my talented friend. :)

      Reply
    1. Allison Marie Post author

      Oh Tammy, thank you so much for your comment! I really appreciate your being here. And YES to being yourself! Always, always. Rock on, sister soul. :)

      Reply

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