(Hey there, gorgeous, Listen, before this gets any more compromising, I should probably warn you: This post is a bit longer than permissible by socially acceptable blogging standards. We all know the ‘proper’ length of a blog post has already been decided for us and nailed to the cross of 1000 words max, so have decreed the blogging gods. But here’s what: I’m not interested in appeasing them today. Not today. Today I need this – this whole ravenous thing – and I need every sexy, lengthy, stubborn inch of it. If you come with all the way, I will love you forever in a place warm and intimate and eternal. It will be glorious. So. You wanna?)
The writer in me wanted to scratch apart what I’m about to share and then patch it back together; make it – you know – “better.”
Maybe twist it inward then unravel it again; thread a few more thoughts through it and slide a few others out.
But then I realized that this thing wasn’t really mine to begin with so who was I to monkey around with it?
Below is a post that fell out of me onto social media in one of those “Ah Ha!” moments where the clouds ceremoniously part and the dazzling light warmly aligns your vision and you finally see Everything clearly and exactly as it always was, but with the clouds and the fog and everything before, well, you were just kind of screwed.
The post is the worded equivalent of my deep bow to the Universe – both for putting up with my bullshit and for getting me beyond it.
Obviously, I couldn’t have written this thing if I didn’t struggle mightily first. The details of the struggle don’t matter (really – the details are sickeningly mundane, as so many details tend to be), it’s only important to say that when we struggle – when the problems, frustrations and confusion come – we can’t stop asking for the answer to be revealed to us.
We have to keep attempting to drop the fear and seek the healing. We will fail repeatedly, of course, for we are but flesh and bone, but we can’t stop asking Love to reveal the solution that already exists.
The one we just can’t see through our own clouds, our own fog, our own mess. We have to trust that the answer is on its way and that when it comes we will get it.
A Course In Miracles teaches us that the solution and the problem exist in the same moment, the same space. The problem and the solution are one, in fact. (Apparently, they come as a nice little boxed set, like earrings or Uggs or . . . espresso pods.)
No problem exists that is not already solved.
We just give up on asking to see it that way too soon.
As for me, I was merrily thrashing around inside the anger of a tiny thing, in all of my decked-out goofiness, making that little thing MUCH grander than it actually was, and then cowering in fright of its ridiculous fabricated grandeur.
I was digging my own suffering, man.
So much so that I wasn’t completely sure I wanted out of it.
“If you wish only to be healed, you heal. Your single purpose makes this possible. But if you are afraid of healing, then it cannot come through you. The only thing that is required for a healing is a lack of fear.” ACIM
Truly, I was clinging like hell to the fear, to the anger, to the madness. But why? And fear of what?
“The way to heal is to be healed. The miracle extends without your help but you are needed that it can begin. Accept the miracle of healing, and it will go forth because of what it is. It is its nature to extend itself the instant it is born.” ACIM
It turns out, for all it’s wicked hairiness, it wasn’t the fear of my worthlessness that had me in fits. No, it was A Bigger Fear.
The Biggest Fear.
THE MOTHER (AND FATHER AND OFFSPRING AND GRANDOFFSPRING AND – okay, you feel me) OF ALL FEARS.
It was the fear of my own Glory. That’s why it was so hard to let go of.
Because if I let go of this tiny mad thing (that I was so relishing and amplifying into a gargantuan, beasty, fleshy, monstrous thing, remember), then I would have to fully stand in my Greatness.
Greatness shoes, it turns out, are very scary to climb into.
If I let go of my fear of darkness, I would come face to face with my greatest fear: that of my light.
And I wasn’t sure if I could dare to love myself that much, not even for a second.
“It does mean, if only for an instant, you love without attack. An instant is sufficient. Miracles wait not on time. The holy instant is the miracle’s abiding place.” ACIM
But I did dare.
In one bold, awkward, honest moment I surrendered saying, “Don’t let me stop you, Love. Please just don’t let me stop You from leading me through this.”
And with that sincere willingness to let go, in that tiny moment, through the razor thin slit in the membrane between what I feared I was (weak) and what I intuitively knew I was (strong), my glory was born.
In an instant.
The post you are about to read was that instant – my holy instant. It was what came forward the moment I accepted the answer, the wisdom, and the healing. It was my miracle: my change of mind from fear to love.
“Accept the miracle of healing and it will go forth because of what it is. It is its nature to extend itself the instant it is born.” ACIM
~ ~ ~
Reveal nothing less than your full glory.
Do you know what your GLORY means, my love?
Glory means your nobility. Your magnificence. Your greatness. Your majesty. Your honor. Your splendor. Your beauty.
Do you know what keeps you from it?
Terrified, frightened, scattered, frantic, confused, vicious, petty, tiny ego.
Getting mired in the small nonsense is our attempt to keep from embracing our full glory.
The part of us that plays with nonsense is nothing about nothing.
Fuck that, babes. Stop looking at what keeps you held down. If there are circumstances you don’t like, if people seem to be treating you badly, okay. Okay. Let them be. The circumstances and the people.
Let them be exactly as they are and you let go of trying to mess with them and turn them into anything. Look away.
Turn your attention instead toward the truth of your magnificence. Focus on what you know you’ve got to bring and bring it. Get deep inside and own your glory, uncomfortable as that may sound. There you will be Guided.
The only place to begin is from this holy space.
You are more afraid of your light than of your darkness, angel.
Turn toward the Light anyway. Let it burn away all the little stuff you occupy yourself with for fear of how splendid you are, and raise you up instead.
Everything that has happened up until this very moment was designed to raise you up.
Everything that is happening now is your chance to decide for your own RADIANCE.
So decide. Your glory begins today.
No more nonsense.
Your glory begins now.
~ ~ ~
Accepting the full expanse of my greatness was what I had to do to move past the little fear that kept my ego occupied. Stepping into greatness is what I was designed to do.
It is what we are all designed to do.
To get beyond the petty illusions and the ego drama. To wake up and see that the nonsense stuff – anger, jealousy, judgment, cruelty, self doubt, attack – is nothing more than a convenient distraction of our own creation.
And when we succeed – by nothing less than the Grace of a Power far, far grander than ourselves – in bravely moving past these fears, we do so because we are meant to shine that light for others that they may see us and have the courage to own the glory that is theirs.
Thank you for reading this, you guys. If you are at this point, we’re mighty tight, you and I. My journey is your journey is our journey. I love you for your energy and your presence and your strength. And your willingness to go the extra sexy, lengthy, stubborn inch with me today. I thank you for it and I pray the read has served you well on your path.
“Accept the miracle of healing and it will go forth because of what it is. It is its nature to extend itself the instant it is born.”
And so it is, beautiful soul siblings.
And so it is.
~ ~ ~
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