How Deep Is Your Love? The Art & Struggle of Surrender

We don’t want to give it all up.

As sexy as it sounds to surrender ourselves, we’re terrified of what it would mean to actually do it completely.

As lovely as it rolls across the mind to say we will surrender, we don’t often (ever?) intend to give up the struggle and inhabit the peace of mind we say we want.

It’s just not that easy.

What if I invited you to consider that this poem . . .

// taken //
if only you would
let me
take every rugged thing from
you but when i reach forward you pull
back.
if you could just let go of the glass that shatters
messages in
bottles, washed up against the sand
sliding like silk down my sides.
if you would just lay down,
beloved,
the weight of everything
you rail against, let me taste the
salt
in the wounds you
deny.
one by languid one, shadows falling into you
seek rest,
brush up against your spine. (i feel this when
you feel this, on dark days it’s
sublime)
i could read you
like a book by now, if i just part my lips
they publish your
story
through the words that drip from a thousand
forked tongues,
roaming over broken bodies like wolves
behind my bloodshot eyes.
if you would just cross
enemy lines, throw your voice at the black in the skies,
and your aimless
phantom fists
into the swollen
tide.

. . . is about the way the Universe (call it God, call it Love, call it Spirit) intends to love you? That it is about giving up the resistance and attack, giving up the burden, letting go of pain, and allowing yourself to fully experience the pleasure and joy the Universe has in store for you?

Would it change the way you read the words?

Would it change the way you think about your relationship to yourself? to Love?

Would it change the way you think about (feel about) your spirituality? How you express it or experience it or seek to understand it?

The spiritual path is one that requires of us constant surrender but we so often misinterpret that to mean we have to give up what we love instead of dive deeper into it.

We think to surrender ourselves to be used for a soulful purpose would mean we’d have to suppress what our true feelings / desires / passions are in order to keep a handle on things.

In order to do the “right” or “good’ or “perfect’ or “happy” or “correct” things.

I don’t buy it. Surrender to the depth and breadth of all of who we are is too richly mysterious to be that locked up.

Surrender is expression not suppression.

// dirt //
i refuse to believe that exploring
the darkness
dims the light.
the eyes of love
are sharp enough to cut every limb
from every jagged tree
without flinching.
the ventricles of love
cannot close
the mind of love cannot
deceive.
place your bloody hands to my
dirty mouth and tell
me why the screaming
stops.
paint my skin with your
bedtime stories,
build a staircase
with the swords they
threw at me.
and i will not bend
and i will not break
and i will not be threatened
by the things
they tell me
i can’t
take.

To fully surrender your mind, body and soul to a spiritual experience in this temporarily human life is to explore all of what it means to be who you actually are. It can’t be censored or sliced or sectioned off or dictated or forced upon anyone.

Love doesn’t work that way. She doesn’t abide by man-made rules.

Love asks of us full surrender because Love needs all of what we are – not just a few randomly selected bits society deems worthy or proper or enough.

// celestial //
thick
fingers beg and trace the clamor
in her mind, she tries to hide.
thorough
fingers press down the breast
bone
a butterfly effect spreads glass wings on her
insides.
thirsty
fingers glide in circles unfastening the wrists
and all the sky’s a
hedonistic turquoise night
soft tongues lapping at spearheads
stabbing licks at the edge of the threat of
release
five thousand years of fingers tear at a
world worn down, a galaxy runs out.
hold this to your stomach and sit.
all the shadows you spin are a
cataclysmic risk she needs.
but nature’s fingers won’t let up
they keep the pace
they rupture time
they tempt the words of the prophets
bled from her hands, stained on her lips
toxic drops of disarming digital codes
a covenant to make certain that the lives she
missed
keep her coming back ravaged and hungry
for nights
splayed out
like this.

Surrender is to give up our obsession with attack.  To stop fighting, hiding, resisting ourselves.

We live in a world that cycles us through an endless loop of defend and attack, attack and defend. Always on the defensive, we feel an invisible, unrelenting pressure to defend who we are, to fight for what we need, to compete for what we imagine are scarce resources.

A Course In Miracles teaches a fascinating lesson on this, Lesson 153:

In my defenselessness my safety lies.

Click here to listen to me read the beginning of it:

 

Or check out the full teaching here:

A Course In Miracles: Lesson 153

The essential idea is that only those who believe they are weak or can be threatened will try to defend themselves.  Only those who imagine they are attacked will attempt to attack.

It’s all an illusion, the attack and the resistance to letting Love flood us full.

We are sacred and whole and loved completely; who we are at our core needs no defending.

If we dig deep down, past the delicious fetishes (come now, what fetishes?) and the heat of the seduction of the idea of surrendering ourselves to the only thing more powerful than ourselves alone, how willing are we to truly offer all of our time, talent and passion – OUR ENTIRE LIVES – to the Universal Love Energy for the full expression of our truth?

How willing are we to turn inward, get grounded in the relentless power of Love, drop down our defenses and say with an open heart and completely willing spirit:

“Use me as you wish.”

Surrender is expression not suppression.

We have a daily choice between living a life of attack or a life of surrender.

My beautiful love, which will it be?

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P.S. As always, I thank you for your presence and light in this place.  YOU are the love and the spark and the verve that keeps me going. Thank you for sharing my work with your friends, family, followers. It means more than I could ever say. With all my love, Allison Marie x

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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18 thoughts on “How Deep Is Your Love? The Art & Struggle of Surrender

  1. Mils

    This had me almost weeping in the middle of a supermarket cafe. I truly had to fight back the tears. I must post something in response. I love the phrase re surrender.

    Reply
    1. Allison Marie Post author

      My beautiful, beautiful Mils,

      I am holding your comment and your spirit close. Bless you for being so open to this, I truly cannot thank you enough for that. Tears are good . . . Spirit recognizes Spirit, is what I was told about tears. :) Much love to you, dear one. And thank you more than I can say. Sat Nam.

      Reply
  2. Peter

    The thought that stuck out for me the most, you put out there twice. “Surrender is expression not repression”. I want to meditate on all these words and really understand what they mean to me. I get it already, but I want to surrender to this meaning. Surrender to the Art and the Love. <3 X

    Reply
    1. Allison Marie Post author

      My gorgeous friend, I’m so thrilled to the bone to see you here. Thank you so much for taking the time and care to read, connect and engage. It means so much to me.

      I’m thrilled you will take this mantra and meditate on it.

      That is very special to me because these are the exact words that came through me when I meditated on this topic. “What can I say for you, Love?” I asked, and this is what came.

      I love that you will take them and let them speak to you in your own way. That’s everything sacred.

      SO much deep love for you, soul brother. Sat Nam, dear friend. Xx <3

      Reply
  3. Pingback: How Deep Is Your Love? The Art & Struggle of Surrender — Glory Begin | hopyrane

  4. Charlie Zero the Poet

    Allison, this post had be in tears, believe it or not.

    “Surrender is expression not repression”

    I know exactly what this means and what it means to planet earth.

    I’m going to meditate on the energies of ourselves and of mother-nature herself.

    Thank you for you writing this blog.

    You deserve so much happiness. :)

    Reply
    1. Allison Marie Post author

      Oh Charlie, I’m so touched by your presence and your words. Just that you were here, that you were open, and that you would take the time means so much to me.

      I absolutely LOVE that you make the connection with mother nature, planet earth. You have read deeply into the message to a depth that truly moves me, my friend.

      Thank you for BEING here. Your body, mind and soul are so brilliantly present. You deserve so much happiness as well. :) Sat Nam, angel.

      Reply
  5. Tena

    I love this Allison. It’s hard not to love EVERYTHING you do, you are the master of words, ya know. It’s thought provoking and makes me think maybe I haven’t fully surrendered? I don’t know. Am I all of what I could be? Probably not. Is anyone? Is what I am good enough? Just when I feel like I am enough, this makes me feel like maybe I should be more and I know that’s not the intention.
    I’m definitely not on the defensive or in attack mode, that’s long gone. I accept who I am now and it’s all about peace for me these days. Now I’m confused lol

    Reply
    1. Allison Marie Post author

      YOU, THO. Thank you for being here. You humble me, friend, as I love everything you do, too. ;) And I love your questions in your comment. . . the questions are the brilliant part. For sure you are already enough, that is for certain. I was talking with a friend last night about this very thing – the idea of surrender, wanting more, being more, being content, being restless – and I think it’s about that surrender to the joy in you, the strange, the wild, the explorer. So that instead of feeling bad (the guilt!) for wanting to explore more, you surrender to the joy of it, give in to the full breadth of it. It’s this wild paradox of being enough and expanding at the same time. The stuff of miracles.

      I’m not sure if that resonates but I hope you know how much I love your thoughts on this. I really feel honored to hear your experience, whatever it may be. Fascinating creatures, we. Complicated, too. Ha ;) Xxx Biggest love, sister soul.

      Reply
  6. Mr Modigliani

    I write yesterday…
    “I submit to no one
    but willingly give all that I am
    my power, grace and elegance
    to the fierce Mastery
    and sensual enslavement
    of my own artistry”

    I continue to ponder this and it resonates with your own words. As I drove in this morning, I wondered whether my artistry could actually save my soul (metaphorically). I wondered whether it was enough. Then I asked myself whether it was really Love itself that will save myself and my artistry is only a reflection or manifestation of that Love.

    Reply
    1. Allison Marie Post author

      My good friend, thank you so much for your presence and thoughts in this place. I am ever grateful, especially on this topic, as it is the focus of your soulful work. I feel your ponderings and often wonder the same thing. You express it all beautifully, honestly and with grace, indeed.

      This speaks volumes I believe: “Love itself that will save . . ” and I’m touched by your use of the metaphorical concept of “saving of the soul.” The idea of salvation, liberation, freedom. Is art Love itself or is it a reflection of Love only if we choose for it to be? If it is not a reflection of Love, is it art?

      I think it is beautiful just to be open, to be willing, to be guided by the mystery that is Love. To come from that raw and honest place.

      Thank you, dear one, for the chance to delve a little deeper. Blessings and light to you, always.

      Reply
  7. Tena

    I fought so hard and so long against the truth of my life with chronic illness, trying to maintain a life of a healthy person only to be defeating myself. It was only in surrendering to what is that everything else faded away and I was content with my simple life. It needs to be simple for my survival. But the guilt of not being more still creeps in. I love that we can be enough and expanding at the same time. That thought truly comforts me and I try to live in that space. My expansion has been fast then slow and sometimes in the slow spots it feels stagnant. But in looking back, I see that it wasn’t stagnant at all, I’ve been evolving all along. We are complicated beings. Thanks for your insight, sweet soul. It’s always so much appreciated. So much love to you! ❤

    Reply
  8. Michael Mark

    Well said, Allison! Surrender is expression, not suppression. This is it! So often our resistance is a resistance to what we are called to be and do, which we don’t realize is the way to be joyful! In resisting, I think somehow that natural impulse gets distorted and made into something it’s not– a chore or something. A burden. And we think surrender means giving up the fight, rolling back into the sea. But really, like you say, it is a freeing and energizing movement into living as who we are.

    Much Love
    Michael

    Reply
    1. Allison Marie Post author

      My gorgeous friend! Hello, hello Michael – I’m so thrilled to see you here in this place. Thank you for reading and engaging. I love everything you say and agree fully, fully. “Distortion” is the perfect description, for sure.

      I’m so deeply grateful that this resonated for you, my good friend. :)

      Much love to you, and the warmest light always,

      Allison x

      Reply
  9. Samira

    Totally love this. This mantra ‘in my defencelessness my safety lies’ is on repeat for me lately. I’m willing to let go of attack. Of ego. This lesson is helping me greatly. It’s funny how I’ve been using this mantra for weeks now, and then you write an awesome post and reading from #ACIM love 💜

    Reply
    1. Allison Marie Post author

      Totally LOVE the synchronicity! The Universe is splendid, no? ;) Thank you for reading and engaging – it truly means so much. Love your way all day. Xxx

      Reply

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