Collecting Shadows: How (Not) To Talk About Love

shadow

I don’t really do flowery stuff.

I don’t do gory or cruel stuff either, of course, but I love dirty and crooked and how odd things can be sort of bent to become even more beautiful in their oddity.

Bouquets are lovely but I’d rather collect the shadows if I could.

I like the wet peace in the dark. I like the cool quiet in the stillness. I tend to feel like where the crowd is is the beginning of the end of a thing but I couldn’t really tell you why.

So I like to go another way; the way things haven’t gone yet.  Just to see how it might look there and what comes with me or falls off.

I contemplate a lot of heavy stuff (maybe it’s mystical, maybe it’s idealistic – it likely depends who you ask and their choice of perspective that day) that I don’t always know how to talk about or express out loud.

Or on paper.

Sometimes when I’m inside a really delicious conversation I pause for just long enough that it feels long, so I can savor the energy that extends between my soul and the love-lit soul who is holding space with me.

Some people like it.

Some people prefer short.

The other night I had a vision so clear I could grab it.  A sleek black bird was still on a wire. I stood looking up at him when, in a perfect sharp turn, he looked straight down at me before flicking up his wings for the split beat of an instant.

In the flash, I could see radiance glowing full inside of him so bright it dazzled my whole being, skeleton and all. His silent message plain as night: that we are all light beings, no matter how shrouded.

His razor dark eyes telling me to trust what I know is the truth beyond appearances. That my adoration for the shadows is drawn from the same place as my affection for the Light.

Lately, when I look at people I can see their glow. I can feel their electricity and hold their spirit in what feels like my own silken, invisible hands. I engage with what feels like a penetrating light, a warmth, that threads together our beings and reminds me that we are the same.

It feels like home.

I love words that cut across the boring stuff most people say.  I’d rather be silent with the elegance of emptiness than fill in the gaps with the gummy thickness of useless speak.

I don’t see the point.

Maybe these are some of the reasons I crave the mystical but hesitate to talk about it. Because I don’t want to talk about the Eternal in the ways that many people do.

I don’t want it to have to be pristine or grandiose in a way that makes me want to shut down. There’s a way about spirituality that is so human, so damn sexy, so fully pulsing that I can tell when I’m losing touch with it inside.

I can feel the blankness in forgetting the Energy.

Even when you’re numb you know you aren’t feeling.

I can’t stand the thought of writing about my spiritual experience in a way that sounds lofty or haughty or disconnected. I fear that sharing my journey might sever me from other people because I don’t say the right thing or because they don’t understand my process.

Often I ask myself, Who am I to do this?

The thing is though, people might not understand. People might not like that sometimes I just really need to curse to get my loving message across in the way that feels most real to me.

It might not be cool with some people that I refuse to refer to the Divine as male (or female) because that only makes me feel farther away from Love.

It might surprise or confuse or fluster some people that I have had meditation sessions that are more stimulating and fulfilling than sex. It might flip some people out that I truly believe we are not bodies but actual, real, living, burning beings of light capable of creating miracles.

In fact, it might piss some people off that I would dare claim to be a teacher of something as magnificent as our divinity when I’m just a person who gets scared and feels out of place and questions her own strength even as she’s calling it forward.

All of these things may indeed be true – that I could be judged or questioned or deemed unworthy to do the work of love.

It may be even more true that I judge myself in ways much more sordid and harsh than anyone else could ever judge me.

“This is a manual for the teachers of God. They are not perfect or they would not be here.”

*ACIM

But what else can we do, angels? If we crooked little mangled-up glories don’t share the messages of love and peace and inner light – who will? If we do not seek to heal ourselves who will heal us? Who are we waiting for to do this work in the world? In ourselves?

You and I, beloved, we are all we have.  Just we the conflicted wild creatures seeking out a Way and lighting the light as only we know how.

“Yet it is their mission to become perfect here, and so they teach perfection over and over, in many ways, until they have learned it. And then they are seen no more, although their thoughts remain a source of strength and truth forever. Who are they?”

*ACIM

They are us. The teachers of love are simply we who seek to demonstrate it. Not because we fit some mold or say all the right things or carry a particular title or license or badge.

I don’t really dig flowery stuff.

I don’t really like overly-sweet-talking anything and sometimes I curse and I don’t want to be held to any one religion or philosophy or idea or rule. I’m certain about a lot things, my faith runs deep as caverns, and I’m still mixed up about a lot of things.

Maybe it will have to be enough to speak about Love honestly, the way it reveals itself to me as I go along.

Quietly collecting shadows.

 

~ ~ ~

P.S. I have a beautiful guided meditation album coming out soon. Sign up to my mailing list at the top of this page so I can be sure to send you a track for free on release day. :)

 

18 thoughts on “Collecting Shadows: How (Not) To Talk About Love

  1. Brad

    Deliciously gritty and real Allison.
    I honor you collecting shadows, finding beauty in the dark places and being true to your path.
    blessings my friend…

    Reply
    1. Allison Marie Post author

      Hello, hello my gorgeous friend,
      Thank you so deeply, from the depths, Brad. It means so much to me every time I feel your spirit and presence here.

      I honor you as well and I am truly grateful for the light you bring into this world. Namaste.

      You are such a warmth. :)

      Blessings, peace and love to you, always,
      Allison

      Reply
  2. Rajagopal

    No harm being happy in wetness and darkness, for that is where the warmth and dazzle of light will fall; darkness, like Krishna himself who was as dark complexioned as the rain clouds, attracts everything to itself and illumines the world around it. So sweetheart, attract everything to yourself, and be a guiding light to one and all…my regards and warmest hugs your way, Allison…

    Reply
    1. Allison Marie Post author

      Hello, hello dear Raj,
      I absolutely LOVE your words here, thank you so much, my friend. What a gorgeous image of Krishna dark as rain clouds – I think that is so very beautiful and perfect. I am so grateful for your inspiration to “attract everything to yourself” . . . I am tucking this in very close to my heart as I go along my way.
      Thank you so much for your glowing presence and the gift of your light in my world. It means more than I could ever say. Warmest hugs. :)

      Blessings and peace, always,

      Allison

      Reply
  3. Darshith

    Loved the attitude & love & words :) All the rash useless talking is not for us. And we all have our own ways of finding out love & peace & integrity. So, I guess it totally depends on you how you get all those & stick to being who you are. And, Allison, you are one of the purest souls :) Love & blessings.

    Reply
    1. Allison Marie Post author

      My sweet, beautiful friend,

      Thank you for your incredible words and the glow of your spirit. I can totally feel it, Darshith. It means so much to me to know this one touched you – that’s the best.

      I am with you 100% – we all have our own ways, our own paths that lead to love and acceptance and wholeness. The more we understand this, the more peace and light we can bring for one another.

      I’m so grateful to share the peace with you, dear one.
      You are an angel. :)

      So much love and light to you, always,
      Allison

      Reply
  4. Jackie

    “we crooked little mangled-up glories” love how you express it, however you express it, with shadows or cussing. Very reflective and thought provoking. I grew up with religion and recognize the well of spirituality is inside but the religion part muddied the water a bit. I hesitate to claim any religion but still believe in something. Something, how’s that for vague, hedging my bets!

    How about dead flowers? I’ve got dried papery bouquets hanging feet up all over the place. Love that.

    XO!

    Reply
    1. Allison Marie Post author

      Thank you so, my beautiful friend. Your words mean very much to me. :)

      Your thoughts resonate with me, too. You know, I feel like we all do – we believe in ‘something.’ And we seek it in ways we understand and ways we don’t even recognize as seeking. Maybe at the real heart of it it’s just love calling love back home. And we little loves helping each other get there.

      I LOVE your dead flowers. I imagine they are beautiful and mysterious and peaceful and clever. Just like my shadows. :)

      Monster size hugs for you, love. XOXO!

      Reply
  5. Michael

    I’m with you, Alison… We are the ones… That feeling of not being qualified or worthy to say a few words was with me a long time, but finally the need to express one out and so now I write… Not sure which side of your line my words fall on, but it doesn’t matter, you reach the place where when you’re sharing what you truly feel you know it’s perfect. And I think what you’re saying here is absolutely perfect. Spirituality is all of it… the love, the ecstasy, the rhythm, the shame, the anger, the fear, the anxiety, the brilliance, the need, the movement… It’s all of it. I’ve increasingly come to think that if we don’t express what lives within us, whatever that may be, then we struggle to release it and move into the real lasting and viable fruits of our human labors…

    You inspire, my friend!

    Much Love
    Michael

    Reply
    1. Allison Marie Post author

      Dearest Michael,

      We are the ones. I LOVE that. Yes, yes, yes a thousand times.

      And it really doesn’t matter – in Love there are no lines, no limits, no separation. That is what we are all saying, I truly believe, at the deepest levels of our souls.

      I love very much what you say and how you express it: that spirituality is ALL of it. All of it. There is nothing we experience that falls out of the realm of Spirit. It’s all a way home.

      And I totally feel you about what happens if we bottle this part of ourselves up. It comes out as seeking in so many destructive ways if we don’t allow ourselves that freedom to listen to our inner guides and be true to our own path.

      You are such a joy and a light and a wonderful friend. Thank you for you, guy.

      Much love and peace, always,

      Allison

      Reply
  6. Kristal

    Wow! This is awesome. Thank you for sharing your beautiful soul and insight. Blessings dear one.

    Reply
    1. Allison Marie Post author

      Hello, hello Kristal,
      Thank you so much – your words and awesome energy mean the world to me! :)
      I’m thrilled this resonanted for you and I’m so humbled to have you here. Thank you for your light.
      Blessings and peace, always, always,
      Allison

      Reply
  7. Noelle Vignola

    I love you… I love your writing, your thinking, your manner of expression, your fierceness, your dynamic, soft, freaky chic energy. Fucking awesome!! You just sang into my soul, my friend.

    Reply
    1. Allison Marie Post author

      My gorgeous, gorgeous soul sister friend,
      My entire being is VIBING in love right now. I love you, too, angel. Your words make me want to sing and jump and give thanks for the freedom to share and express ourselves. How blessed are we? How fully, radically, awesomely blessed!
      You are so damn fierce. Your energy and light literally pulses through the universe.
      Thank you so much. Thank you for your presence and your warmth and your strength.
      Peace to you, dear Noelle. Always,
      Allison

      P.S. “Freaky chic energy” is officially my new favorite thing. I LOVE. :)

      Reply

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